On being my Own Muse..

Every life on this earth has its own struggle.  Even getting out of the womb is a struggle. I have had mine own. As a child I had to see things which were too much to handle, surprisingly I was able to surpass it. I saw myself well ahead of time. I matured way ahead of time. My crisis then taught me what I should never do. But that doesn't mean I never had my own share of lessons from my mistakes.

As I grew up, I always thought that becoming rich and having the power to dominate is the best thing, no one can touch you. It was may be my aggression that was talking? I was very aggressive as a kid, even more cause of the environment around me. I sometimes hated the fact that why me? Why couldn't I have a stable life then and enjoy my childhood just like any other kid around me? Or why couldn't I pretend that all was ok? But I couldn't because I had the mind to grasp things around me too quickly. When life throws challenges at you at such an early age, you derive your own lessons with time. You don’t want to do same mistakes like others did. True. But you make your own and struggle through that.

Since then it has been the same journey where struggle and compromises became part of my life. It did affect me and people around me especially my family. They had a view, I had a view and hence there was difference of opinion.  It all had to come together one by one. I have been strong all along, but tensed too as to where am I heading and what am I doing. The money thing always bothered me I won’t lie, because I thought then that was greatest thing to have. And that would be the answer to most of the things in my life. Who doesn't? I was not greedy for it but I knew some of my dreams were dependent on it. So I changed my dreams too, it’s ok to do that someone once told me.

This was me years ago. With time I have made myself better of me. I have realized that my thoughts are the greatest gift I will ever have. I gave myself time to think and to analyze what is necessary. I realized that I need to be calmer and reflect on things. I faced the fact that I had more then what many would desire. I have food to eat, a family to love me, friends to support me and most importantly I had my mind with me that helped me to perceive things so differently. What hit me the most is that you don’t need to be loud as a person to prove a point it’s the way you put your words and thoughts out. I learnt how to imbibe positivity, as thinking good will always get you good. I had read “The secret” out of curiosity and found that it teaches you a very simple thing. You just need to think and let out what is best for you. And to be honest it helped me to recognize the power that I had which I  was clueless about.  I let the worries in me go away, that always kept me messed up. When you think good for someone it will happen, just like it did for my Mom.

I feel so successful and happy about me right now. It’s a transformation that comes with age and maturity and time, but you have to push yourself to do it. Start with gratitude and being thankful for your dear ones, for the things that you have, that others are deprived of in many ways. That in itself makes you feel so content. With time I also encountered with the fact that ambition and success have different meanings, they can be different for every person. My reason of being successful relates to all the things I started appreciating around me and all things that I have. For me success has a different meaning altogether. It relates to me being available, appreciating things and my loved ones around. To be successful in redefining relationships and being there for people who actually mean deeply to me. Success for me is finding my way out and broadening my horizons. It’s about uplifting my energy and thought process to a different level altogether. Because these are the things that matter much. Material things will come and go so will your job, money and rest of the things but the key is how you keep yourself in every scenario talks about you. And you are the best person to Judge yourself. Judging ourselves is more difficult then judging anyone else.

Today I don’t feel any kind of aggression in me but only zest to explore my possibilities. I have been control of my own thoughts, I decide where do I need to focus my energy on and what I don’t need to worry about. My mind feels happy all the time. Well at least most of the time. The feeling is just amazing. I never knew it could transform me so much and it just continues to motivate me all the more. A shift in thought can bring about so much of change that sometimes where you are and what you do doesn't matter anymore. As a human being yes I get those genuine feelings when I hear something unhappy or tragic which is reasonable enough no one can challenge that. Those are emotions. But sometimes you feel that even without a reason and that’s the time you need to trick your mind shift your mind to a happy place.

I want to convey a very simple thing; the ability to make yourself what you are completely depends on you. You may have nothing but still you can be happy and that in itself is the biggest success story you can make. The power that we all hold is simply magical with endless possibilities. The thought of having enough automatically leads you to have more. Be rational, be spontaneous you never know how things will unfold. Life is a beautiful gift, which I cherish so much right now. I see myself with people that make me happy, things that excite me and a future that just seems to get better and better every day. My power is limitless. I am limitless.

The Coffee Shop!

Ira just started walking out of her Braille class. As always Ira pondered in her thoughts while she made her way out with the help of her stick. She has been learning it since the past year. Life was suddenly different for her now that she couldn't see. It had been two years since the accident and everything had changed for her. The one who loved life and enjoyed so much was suddenly so down and throttled. She felt deceived by her own fate. It was not her fault but she had to pay for it by losing her eyesight and turning fully blind.

She was lost and in trauma for nearly 6 months. But she knew she had to get on with life. Her parents encouraged her to explore things to do. More like a therapy so that she doesn't feel that she is disabled. But she was not in a place to process; she felt she couldn't get on life with so many obstacles without seeing. Ira was nervous and scared. As time passed she realized this is how she has to lead her life from now on and accepted the reality. With the encouragement from her parents and loved ones, Ira decided to learn Braille to build her strength of hope and senses. She still felt isolated and prefer staying alone all the time. Her enthusiasm for life was derailed.  

With training and the therapy, she was able to walk her way through and her sense of judgement had developed with time. She was now able to move around on her own. She always needed her directions here and there and someone would accompany her on and off. She left from home as usual and got dropped by her dad at the coffee shop. Her class was just a few blocks away. As she was making her way to the coffee shop, the early morning she felt happy. She always felt happy when heading there. Something unexpected had happened in the past week.

It was a week ago, that Ira was at the coffee shop. It was her routine to grab a cup and then start of the day and she intended to continue with it even now. The place made her feel familiar. On that certain day, she was at her normal seat and sipping her favourite latte. When she suddenly heard, “May I share the table with you?” It was a male voice. Ira was a bit confused as she didn't like people being around. But she knew she couldn't be rude. She said, “yes you may”. And that was it. Very randomly they started a conversation. At first, Ira was not sure to entertain the man. If only someone would tell her how genuine this person is? But then she thought how long will people protect her? There would be a time where she would be on her own. She had to trust her instinct, that’s the only way she would have to sense and judge a situation.

His name was Amit. He was a normal guy who had a decent job but was fascinated with his life. The glass was always half full for him. He knew he didn't have everything but he knew the value of things that he had and owned. He was content and that’s how he has always been. Amit was on his way to work when he stepped in the coffee shop. The moment he saw Ira, he found her so pretty yet lost. He realized she was blind but he saw so much more in her. His instinct told him to go and say a hello.

Their conversation was very formal yet intruding. Ira was a bit surprised that she managed to interact with a stranger after a long time, but she wasn't sure what was happening. But there was something, only for her to think that it was just one of the things that happened.

They bumped into each other again same time same place. This time the conversation was different. It was more about liking's, hobbies, and everything else. Ira knew that Amit seemed to be genuine, because of the kind of question he asked, she was hesitant to answer the entire truth, but she had to judge her instinct.

The phenomena repeated almost every day that week. They never planned it. But they met every day that week. Their conversations were healthy. Ira was beginning to feel a thrill for this. It made her believed in herself again. She realized that she being blind was never a question for Amit. He would talk to her just like he would talk to any other person. Amit knew Ira was stronger to face her fears, she just didn't know it yet. Ira was feeling good. This relationship didn't have a name not even friendship yet. It was something that came along. Amit felt the same. He was happy that if just by talking and sharing if he could unknowingly help someone, it was worth it.

Ira suddenly was started to feel alive and different. She knew that something was taken from her. But she didn't want to be sad anymore about it. Amit was no one to her, not even known to her, she had her doubts, engaging in talks with someone you don’t know? But sometimes a stranger may tell you things or teach you something that you didn't want to hear or think. Amit never persuaded her to meet outside alone or even asked for her phone number, he never followed her.

Ira would head to her class with a different outlook and become more interested in learning Braille and mastering it. Amit would head to his work, then home and family and the normal routine. They would both recollect the meet in their mind. They were happy. For Ira, this was a different experience that came in disguise only to teach her and motivate her. They both looked forward default for their coffee engagement. They both knew they would be there.

As time passed, they both looked forward to their meeting at the coffee shop. It would be like a therapy: as their day started, those 30 minutes became a part of their lives for quite some time. The coffee shop had its magic. Amit realized that Ira, in turn, had taught him a lot. Whatever experiences she had before she lost her eyesight made him feel that there is so much to live. He could see how much Ira had changed she looked fresh and so different. Maybe their talks helped. Maybe she remembered how to live. She didn't feel sorry anymore. They knew each had some influence over the other in a positive way. They still didn't meet outside the coffee shop. This was their place!

Sometimes along the way we meet people who are not related or known to us. They may not even be our friends or may become one soon. When we least expect our life to go nowhere, out of the blue we see a possible guidance, a stranger whom you think you can trust. People help you in a way which you never expected. A fresh outlook from a fresh peace of mind makes so much of difference. We are in some phases disabled, may be in terms of our thoughts and refuse to let it go. But somewhere someone comes along the way only to make you feel better. Sometimes these people are known or completely unknown and sometimes you might risk trusting a stranger. The outcome is we need to fight our own battles, true. But we are so lost we don’t realize where to begin and if someone helps along to realize how strong are you the battle doesn't seem like a war anymore...

Abaya Stories....

(The below write up is not against the culture, it is just my experience since the environment and culture is a whole new experience for me. A new experience has an obvious reaction. I respect their culture and sentiments. I am only here to pen down my opinions, experiences and learning’s. Positive and Negative both.)

I have been meaning to find a subject to write down for a long time. Like they say you need to experience certain things to be more certain about your subject. So I could have chosen to write the usual stuff things on pre and post wedding like the routine we follow, don’t we?

But the most interesting thing would be to pen down on my life in Saudi. The life here is surely different then back home, the plus point is I don’t have to work, which I was ok to do so. Everyone needs a break in life so when I had the chance I said why not? To use the time to try and explore myself in a life that is so different then what I had all these years.  Anything new always teaches me something new about me every day, so there was no way I was going to let this chance go.

Staying in Saudi can be worst case scenario to begin with, especially when you come from a democratic country where you are open to do your own thing.  When I say “worst case scenario” I don’t mean it’s a place not worth living in. The social life is completely different here and most importantly women have to be in their limits. In fact they have to be dependent on their husband and family out here. In short, their freedom is restrictive.Its but obvious that the local ladies here are very used to this life, that's how they are raised.I appreciate them for their well being, no hard feelings. Like I said being a foreigner some things do have an obvious reaction. They even need to wear an Abaya while moving out of the house. Even the expat women have to follow wearing an abaya here. Women have a completely different section for themselves even at work. They believe in protecting their women, that’s their philosophy.  However that can be a bit more cliche if you add too many thoughts behind it. If you ask me being an outsider wearing an abaya didn't really bother me, in fact it really reduced my burden to go somewhere locally just put it on a like a coat and head where you feel like.

Like human beings every place in the world has its pros and cons too. Saudi may not have a liberal view in terms of women having their freedom, but it is a good place to have a family life, earn big bucks and save even more. Best part of being here is no Taxes!!! Now who wouldn't like that?  For one thing I know I get to spend all my time with my husband and that was the biggest motivation factor for me to move here. To be honest something like this becomes a bit difficult in a place like Mumbai these days where you are just running and there is no time to breathe.

When I had decided my move here I knew that the life here wouldn't be as fancy as I had back in Mumbai. I had read well about the place and it turned out as expected so nothing came out as a shocker for me in terms of lifestyle and living here. I was lucky enough that within the first week itself I actually met other couples and families through my husband and we bonded instantly. So for one good thing the weekends here are more socially active for me then there were for me when I was in Mumbai. My newly found friends here are as good as having a family here.

In my first week I was invited to a social gathering called “daawat” for a kid’s birthday. It was a family and friends affair. The family who hosted are originally from India but have been settled here for a long time and were very welcoming. I was very excited since it was something very typical that happened here. When we entered the gathering, I soon realized that there was partition made for Men and Women. It means women had to be one part of the room and men in the other. Even though women were accompanied by their own families they still believed in doing this. Women and men do not mingle even in a social gathering here even if with family around. I had known about this but didn't expect it to happen here since people actually knew each other. Since it was my first social gathering I was a bit taken aback how these things work here. May be next time I would be more comfortable with it. This was something that I had not seen before so the reaction was very obvious. But then that’s what they do here protecting their women and giving them their space to enjoy if you look at that way.

I was just few days old and I actually didn't know anyone there, and the person who I was dependent upon was on the other side of the room. However the host was kind enough to keep me accompanied, and introduced me to her other female friends who were mainly all from Pakistan. All pretty looking ladies in their gorgeous attire that was hidden under their abaya till they reached the venue. Their clear skin, sense of fashion and style actually really surprised me. All pretty and so decked up. They were well covered with flowing grace from tip to top. Now this is what you get to explore when you are in a different country. You interact, observe, learn and carry experiences with you.

That’s exactly what My "Abaya stories" will do here,to pen down my learning’s every now and then. My life is interesting. So keep reading!